ch3rylism

Stay away, negative peolple

2012-02-22T20:15:00.000+08:00

Negative people gets me down. Non-stop complaining and grouchy people gets me down-er. Most times, I just avoid them... except when they are my own flesh & blood, who sometimes treat me as the Complaints Bureau.

I fully understand the reason why they are so, and I could even empathise with them in some circumstances. However, one can't be perpetually sad & whining about everything. Can't and shouldn't.

Of course, I do realise they could be genuinely unhappy. I said 'could be' because deep inside, I know there is a tinge of attention seeking in the reason behind.

They are unhappy because they do not have JOY in their life. They do not have JOY because they are holding on to too much of the past and the sad/bad things that had happened, happening and may happen. These thoughts had hinder them to see beyond - had blinded their eyes to the silver lining.

How can I help? I do not know. I am just very tired now, emotionally and mentally. It hurts me too because they are hurting...but sometimes, I feel so strained that I wish I could just be 'excused' from their lives momentarily. I am so selfish. I feel bad to put it that way. In saying that, does it mean I am also a negative person myself, as I am unable to elevate myself from the negativity and let my emotions be affected?

Valentine's for a single lady

2012-02-14T23:37:00.001+08:00

This year's Valentine's is special. Had arranged for a gift exchange with two of my friends, and dinner together.

However, lovely surprises come early. Checked in to office in the morning and found this on my PC's keyboard:

Came back from a meeting in the afternoon and got this:

Finally went for dinner and got this:

Valentine's Day is not limited for couples, but for people whom we cherish. It is not about the price of the gift, but the value of the gift - our sincere love which is precious but priceless. We should not just celebrate love once a year on 14 February - but everyday! Tell your loved ones you love them & show your love to them - you will never know when will be your last chance to do so.

Nature's canvas

2012-02-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

The sky is nature's canvas. Nature's beautiful paintings - one taken at 8am as I was doing my laundry at the yard, the other taken at 7.15pm as I was watering the plants at the balcony. Simply awesome, right?

Sunset @ 10 02 2012

2012-02-10T21:54:00.001+08:00

I haven't seen a nice sunset for a quite a while... Photo taken near my condo with mobile phone/cam.

On the drive home - I actually saw a prettier sky, was so tempted to stop my car by the road and take some shots. Now I kinda regret I didn't, because by the time I reached home, the whole sky/sunset landscape had changed. :(

Anyway when I saw the pretty sky, I just thought to myself :
I do not know whether every cloud is silver lined, but I do know that today, my clouds are sun-rays lined!

The clouds at that time were so beautiful, with the edges bouncing off the rays of the setting sun.

Celebrating ME Day

2012-02-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

Over the long weekend - I decided to take a day off from church & spent a good day at discovering a new place for coffee & browsing through an art market. Wonderful day, well spent.

First stop - Typica Cafe 豆原 @Shaw Parade, my first time here. It's a quaint little place - with just 4 tables and two long benches.

At the table I sat at - a vase with roses...

The menu - they are famed for the siphon coffee & ice drip coffee. I finally decided to try something different - Ice Coffee with Chocolate Milk & Mint and Black Sesame Cheese Cake. Nice! :)

Cute!

My table looks like a school desk.

After my brunch - I went to the Kaka Creative Art Market, which is held on every first Sunday (that's why gotta skip church, ooppss!). They have a different theme every month - February is the month of L❤VE.

Love this stall which had all these cute piggies, hedgehogs and sheep made with clay.

Market on ground floor, view from 2nd floor.

Lots of pretty & creative handmade stuffs here, which of course we can shop online for, but nothing beats seeing & touching the goods for real. Wonderful, wonderful. Wish I could do this more often.

After-thought: I wish I could be like some of these vendors. Made me think - what am I good at? So good at, that I just wanna share with people... and hopefully make some money out of it. I wish...

Long weekend ahead...

2012-02-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

February is a fabulous month...

I have a shorter working month, despite 2012 being a leap year. I just had a holiday on 1 Feb for Federal Territory Day. Next Monday & Tuesday I get another 2 days off - thanks to the Prophet Muhammad's Birthday and Thaipusam. One is on Sunday, 5 Feb ; the latter on 7 Feb. Sunday ... means I get Monday off. Yay! Coincidentally, 6 Feb is Chap Goh Mei (Chinese Valentine, last day of the Lunar New Year). Niceeeee!

All 3 major races in the country have something to celebrate for this weekend. As for me, I am celebrating the long weekend with more gatherings! And as far as gatherings go, food is definitely there to fuel the fellowship. My diet plan is perpetually postponed for now!

Finally - I just have to work for 18 days this month. Oooppppsss, that sounds so wrong, makes me sound so much like a lazy person, but who cares? LOL.

Picnic!

2012-02-01T18:38:00.004+08:00

Today is the Federal Territory Day - that means I get a day off work. Bestie asked me to join her & her elder girl for a picnic at the Lake Gardens. It had been years since I went to the Lake Gardens, so why not?

Wonderful weather... although it meant hot sun! But it's nice walking amidst the trees and her girl enjoyed herself at the playground. The tram ride in the end was nice... I didn't realise that the garden was actually huge, there were so many places to visit & do. But bringing along a child of almost 3 means we spent most of our time around the playground.

91.6 hectare of parks & gardens at the heart of Kuala Lumpur established in 1888. The gardens incorporate the National Monument, Deer Park, Butterfly Park, Bird Park, Carcosa Seri Negara, The Forest Research Institute , Orchid Garden & Hibiscus Garden.

Source: http://visit-to-kl.com/visit/Lake_garden.html

(and I shall add: The Planetarium, National Mosque and Islamic Arts Museum are all within the vicinity too!)

2012...1 month's gone

2012-01-31T23:58:00.001+08:00

Wow, talk about time flies... it seems like it's only yesterday when we celebrated the dawn of the year 2012. Now, in a less than 10 minutes, the month of January will end... as the clock ticks, February will be here soon, very soon.

And before we know it, March will be here. So on and so forth...

They said "Time and tide wait for no man"... well, I shall add, white hairs too!!! Scarily true, I found quite a few white strands in this one month... oh, no! If I can't stop the clock ticking away and there's only so much I can do 'preserve my youthful appearance' - I guess I could choose to age gracefully, rather than just grow old.

一頓讓我感觸的晚餐

2012-01-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

剛與家人吃了晚餐，在回家途中，突然一股感觸從心底湧起。

這群人。。。就是我的家人，我生命中最親密的人。有些與我相處長於三十多年，最短的也有十多年。

當我跌到生命中的谷底，我多麼的依賴他們。雖然沒有說出口，但是他們的存在讓我覺得我並不是一個人孤身作戰。

今天也讓我想起爸爸。。。在他還健在時，我並沒有請他吃過一頓飯。。。有點遺憾。我唯有盡我所能對我媽媽好。當然我不是完美的女兒，但是我會努力的。

希望。。。有一天，我也可以有機會建立我自己的家庭。

向日葵的勇氣

2012-01-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

很久沒有收到花了。。。應該有至少5年了。這次收花讓我驚喜。真的沒想到。。。

向日葵（又名望日蓮）的花語是勇敢的追求自己想要的幸福。

我想幸福（誰不想？）。。。但是我沒那勇氣去追求。

開工大吉

2012-01-25T23:39:00.003+08:00

Auspicious day to start work? Well... be it so or not, still gotta work ...

Picture of my cubicle at work...lots of fishes in the 'aquarium' >)))>

Here's to a happier work year ahead - more wisdom, better EQ, less stress; more favour from superiors, peers, staffs; brighter prospects & of course more $$$$$ :)) yay!

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

2012-01-22T23:27:00.003+08:00

2011 - The Year That Was

2012-01-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

First time for the year of 2009 - I did my personal reflection by choosing 12 photos of the year, one for each month - to represent the most memorable moments in my life that year.

I somehow missed doing it for the year 2010... but for 2011, I did it again, albeit with a twist.

To a better year ! Cheers

Today's Quote

2011-12-10T17:07:00.001+08:00

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.
Henry Miller

Often ... I feel that I merely go through life unconciously, merely flowing along ... Time to wake up and start BEING - and by BEING, start LIVING.

When will I see you again?

2011-10-26T20:13:00.000+08:00

The first time - the first time we met, I am already mesmerized by you. A brief encounter. Can't wait to see you again.

The second time - we met again. Just the two of us. Even a shorter encounter, but there were sparks around us. I got a feeling you are the one I have been waiting for...

Now I can't get you out of my mind... when can I see you again? And for the third time we meet, I hope it is not in dreamland... but in real life.

Land below the wind II

2011-10-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

Leaving Mabul with a heavy heart, we had a long drive to Sandakan, reaching there almost midnight.
Too tired to do anything else, we just went straight to bed.

We stayed at NAK Hotel - beautiful view from the room.

But the thing that made me fall in love and book this place was the rooftop garden - beautiful!

Overlooking Sandakan city on one side, and the sea on the other...

Slow start to the day, we headed to Buli Sim Sim for 2nd round of breakfast - had preserved egg dumpling - yummy!!!

Visited the Puh Jih Shy temple, which overlooks Sandakan Bay @ 300 metres above sea level...

After which, visited one of the oldest church - St Michael's which is situated on Elton Hill. It was built in 1893 and took 30 years to complete.

Holidays and food go hand in hand - met up with an ex colleague for lunch.

Had wanted to visited Sepilok, but we missed the feeding time - so we decided to check it out some other day. The journey continued with another long drive back to Tawau - where we stayed another night before I head home to KL.

A very good break - no rushing around like a headless chicken, just slowly soaking up the sights and sounds, enjoying every moment. However, next round I won't want to cover so many places, I need to 'slow it down more' ... especially to make the long drives worthwhile. Sabah - I will see you again!

Land below the wind

2011-10-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

23 - 24 June 2011 (backlog for 3 months ++)
First time visiting the beautiful place, Sabah - also known as The Land Below the Wind.

Taking an early flight to Tawau - which I almost missed. No, I wasn't late to the airport. I was there JUST IN TIME, an hour before to check in. Then I went to have my breakfast at Old Town - which was a wrong decision. The food took some time to arrive, which in turn made me almost late for boarding. I reached the boarding gate just as it closed, 20 minutes before fly off. Then it had to happen that the plane was parked furthest away...

Anyway, despite the early scare - I made it safely to the plane & touched down nicely in Tawau. My first time. My friend came pick me up and we drove straight to Semporna.

In my 5 days there - just managed to cover very limited places and sights - still, this had motivated me to revisit the place again some time soon.

First stop after arriving at Tawau airport was Semporna. Had our lunch nearby before proceeding to Big John Scuba's office to arrange for our boat transfer to Mabul Island.

45 minutes boat ride later, with us being splashed half wet, we arrived at Mabul Island, a small island off the south-eastern coast of Sabah. The island has been a fishing village since 1970s. Majority are immigrants from relatively nearby clusters of islands of the southern Philippines. They are mainly Bajau Laut and Suluk Muslims who live a nomadic lifestyle.

Crsytal clear water!

So worth it to exchange the sunset view with KL Tower as the backdrop with this... especially if it means I could just sit there and do nothing, enjoy the breeze, enjoy the serenity... just waiting for dinner to be served

Visited the Kapalai Island as well - beautiful place! The island is actually just left with a strip of sand bar...

As can be seen from the pic - rainy day!

Nice weekend retreat

2011-06-30T21:22:00.001+08:00

Teaser...

Thankful

2011-06-20T21:22:00.003+08:00

Thankful for today...

Beauty Tips :)

2011-06-18T09:01:00.001+08:00

For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.
For beautiful eyes,
look for the good in others.
To lose weight,
let go of stress, hatred, anger, discontentment, and the need to control others.

To improve your ears,
listen to the Word of God.
For poise,
walk with knowledge and self-esteem.

To strengthen your arms,
hug at least 3 people a day; touch someone with your love.
To strengthen your heart,
forgive yourself and others.

For the ultimate in business, casual or evening attire,
put on the robe of Christ; it fits like a glove but allows room for growth.
Best of all, it never goes out of style
and is appropriate for any occasion.

Doing these things on a daily basis will certainly make you a more beautiful person.

~Author Unknown

Good Friday

2011-06-10T21:22:00.003+08:00

A week that's filled with long lunches, great meals ended with lunch @ Ben's followed with Baskin Robbins for desserts, sweet!

為放縱的一周畫上句號。。。

樂在其中

2011-06-06T22:31:00.002+08:00

不需要山珍海味，不需要魚翅鮑魚，不需要頂尖高級牛排。。。當然如果有也不錯。

Lunch @ TonChan Ramen. 6 June 2011.

Sometimes...

2011-05-31T20:44:00.003+08:00

I think of the past & I fall apart inside.

Don't know why I would still cry ... even after so long :'(

Am-Xplore Hunt 2011

2011-05-28T08:33:00.005+08:00

First time on an auto hunt. Fun! But... used up too much of my brain juice. Was telling my colleague I don't even use to think so hard when working...

But all is good... we WISHED we could get Top 25 - WISHED because we really don't have much confidence.There were about 130 teams participating & we end up with 16th!!! WOW!!! Good work, mates! :)

We celebrated with a good seafood lunch the next day.

Initially we wanted to go straight home after lunch, dropping by Melaka on the way. One look at the Johor map at hand - we found out that there's a National Park nearby - the Kukup Island. So, we made a detour. Well worth it - amongst others we saw the black crabs with red claws, blue crabs, ... etc.

Tiring trip - but worth it. Best of all, we did better than expected. I think that's motivation enough.

Looking through the blinds

2011-05-05T21:12:00.004+08:00

I have been with the Company for almost 1 1/2 years now. Honestly, there are more things I loathe than love. However, I am always thankful that I have a nicely located work station - especially on days when I am battle-worn (like today), I could just turn around and look through the blinds -

Be Thankful

2011-04-30T11:58:00.003+08:00

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

The Deeds Undone

2011-04-21T22:47:00.003+08:00

It isn't the thing you do, friend, it's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun:
The tender words unspoken, the letter you did not write,
The flowers you might have sent, are your haunting ghosts at night.
The stone you might have lifted, out of a dear friend's way,
The bit of heart-some counsel you were hurried too much to say:
The loving touch of a helping hand, the gentle and winsome tone,
That you had no time or thought for, with troubles enough of your own.
These little acts of kindness, so easily out of mind,
These chances to be angels, which even mortals find.
They come in night and silence, each chill reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging, and a blight has dropped on faith.
For life is all too short, friend, and sorrow is all to great,
To suffer our slow compassion, that tarries until too late.
So, it's not the things you do, it's the deeds you leave undone,
Which gives you a bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun.
- Bertha A. Lawson

Meanwhile, today a colleague hid an Easter egg at my cubicle. Was suppose to deco it when I find it, and ta dahhhh - Easter @ The Workplace :)

爱

2011-03-04T21:28:00.003+08:00

別等不該等的人，別傷不該傷的心。

看的淡一點，傷的也許會少一點，時間過了。。。愛情淡了，也就散了。

孤獨。。。不一定不快樂。

得到。。。不一定能長久。

失去。。。不一定不再擁有。

在對的時間遇見對的人；是一種幸福。

在對的時間遇見錯的人；是一種悲傷。

在錯的時間遇見對的人；是一種嘆息。

在錯的時間遇見錯的人；是一種無奈。

Childhood & Consequences

2011-02-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn and be judgemental.

If children live with hostility,
they learn to be angry and fight.

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy and withdrawn.

If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty

If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.

If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.

If children live with security,
they learn to have faith.

If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship,
they learn to find love in the world.

~Dorothy Knolte

So Sole Soul 2

2011-01-22T09:31:00.002+08:00

The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun. (Jenny Bicks)

心情 10012011

2011-01-10T20:58:00.000+08:00

因为过去，心境变宽了；
因为心境变宽了，人也少了点执着；
因为少了点执着，人也看开了很多；
因为看开了很多，也变成没那么的在意身边的人事物；
我的不在意不代表我不在乎；
...我的不贴心不代表我不关心。
请你收起你对我的指责和批评；
你不是我，你没可能理解我的路是如何走过来的。

Ending 2010

2011-01-01T02:24:00.005+08:00

With barely 5 hours to go before the end of 2010, I received a text message that a friend just passed away in a road accident at about 3.30pm. I am still in a state of dismay. I had wanted to do a post to recap & reflect on the year that had been... but now, I find my mind is filled with nothing else but the news of this friend. In my mind, thoughts like "how could it have happened?", "he's just 36 years old...", "it's a mistake, right?"... Thinking back, we probably spoke on the phone a couple of months back; I turned down his dinner invitation back then. Now, I wish we could have met up ...

RIP, my friend, you will be fondly remembered.

To all - wishing a better year ahead. Cherish the people around you - family, friends, loved ones. You will never know when is the last you can tell them you love them,; or show your appreciation to them.

*News link:
News in Malay
News in Chinese

*His 2 adverts for Lipton & NST
Lipton English ad/
Lipton Chinese ad
NST ad

Slow Dance

2010-11-25T21:57:00.002+08:00

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
To call and say, "Hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

©David L. Weatherford

So Sole Soul 1

2010-10-13T21:20:00.004+08:00

My first pair of Nike, that I still own till now - can't bear to throw them away despite the holes and all. I think this is the most comfy pair ever.

For the record, this pair is almost 10 years old.

夢想

2010-09-20T19:25:00.003+08:00

曾經以為“終點”已靠近，後來發現只係“休息站”；“夢想”離我那麼近卻那麼遠。

有一段時期，我以為“終點”真係好近自己。我拼命咁追，爭取每一個機會。。。甚至由一個被動嘅人，試著改變自己變到更加主動。

結果兜兜轉轉，過開一年多。我醒悟啦。果個“終點”只不過係一個幻覺。

“休息站” ，我呢個過路人要告別啦。我要繼續我嘅路程，去追尋我嘅“夢想”。保重！

心情 19 Sept 2010

2010-09-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

唔再討愛
告別悲哀
記得感慨
減少傷害
雖則退出比賽
人生依然精彩

Sad when I have come to realise that...

2010-09-01T20:57:00.003+08:00

I am never a part of your world, that all these while I had merely been an outsider... or at least that's how you made me feel. No matter how hard I try, I still couldn't create a space in your heart for me. Who am I to you?

To the world, you may be nobody. To some, you may be the world.

Fire!

2010-08-06T23:31:00.003+08:00

The deafening sounds of the siren distracted me from my TV show ... I was wondering, "Why the siren so loud & near? The police is chasing some wanted fellas, is it?..." Yup, for the life of me, I couldn't differentiate the sirens of an ambulance, a fire engine or a police car.

I decided to take a peek, then I saw it - 3 fire engines down there & another one on the way. My heart beat so fast, my first thoughts "I better grab whatever and run..." I then noticed that the fire engines were parked near the block next to mine, and not at my block, I slowed myself down to just examine the situation more thoroughly.

The fire should be at Level 18 of the next block. Can't see much else, as the unit(s) affected is facing the other side. I stood there to watch for a few minutes, before deciding it to be safe enough not to go down.

Texted a few friends, ... and asked some to pray for peace & everyone to be safe. No ambulance sighted, so it's a a good sign.

Memorable day... my second time witnessing a fire so near. The first time was when I was a small kid, in my early primary school years. In the middle night, as I watch the one of the shoplots across the bare piece of land (large piece of land which now house the Pudu LRT station) burned.

God, please take care of those affected by the fire. Please also grant me a peaceful rest.

心情 - 4 August 2010

2010-08-04T20:38:00.001+08:00

若然說我不是你杯茶，倒不如你換下口味啦。

這些曖昧的日子。。。是因為我不是你杯茶，還是你怕？

A day in GH

2010-08-01T20:41:00.003+08:00

Mum had to be admitted early today, as her cataract op was scheduled on Tuesday.

After more than half a day in the hospital (I spent sleeping almost 3 hours on the hospital bed, an hour or so reading & the rest just idling/chatting with mum/texting friends) - the doc finally concluded that my mum's eye is not ready for the op. Possibility of infection is high. So, by 5.30 pm (we reached there 8-ish in the morning), we were leaving for home.

I guess the Lord has the right timing for her. She had not been particularly 'peaceful' on the op this time round, and neither do I. Thank You, Lord for answering my prayers.

曖昧no more!

2010-07-16T21:16:00.002+08:00

不能讓自己再處於曖昧狀態。當我堅決地放棄，為何你偏偏要靠近？

。。。還是我想多了。唉。

Slow Down Therapy

2010-07-16T20:05:00.004+08:00

In this fast-paced world, we are so used to the hustle bustle, so used to rush about, trying to work against the clock. We need to remember that sometimes, 'slow' doen't mean losing out, or being left behind.

Got this from Cybersalt Digest, thought of sharing this...

1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now.
2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor.
3. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it's OK to tell them they're pushing.
4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow.
5. Taste your food. God gives it to delight as well as to nourish.
6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.
7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.
8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.
9. Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.
10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.
11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity.
12. Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow - and now. NOW counts.

13. Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition.
14. Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.
15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling.
16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.
17. Take time just to think. Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, ponder, and mull.
18. Make time for play-the things you like to do. Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.
19. Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks.
20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.
21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
22. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better?
23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop. Ask yourself "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding.
24. Take time to read the Bible. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading.
25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.
27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now.
28. Work with your hands. It frees the mind.
29. Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence.
30. Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.
31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more.
32. Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best.
33. Take a walk - but don't go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking.
34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed. Bless them in return.
35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowly.

Lesson of forgiveness, faith & detachment

2010-07-13T22:10:00.001+08:00

What happened to me this morning? Lesson of forgiveness, faith & detachment...

There I was gasping, eyes opened wide, looking at my rear view mirror… as I just sat there and wait for the bike to hit my car. I heard the loud bang, watched from the side mirror how the motorcyclist got up … I turned on the double signal, and slowly maneuvered to the side of the road. Getting out of the car was difficult with the busy morning traffic – buses, taxis, cars, motorcycles. Bumper – scratches, didn’t realize the dent on the left rear & the broken signal light. Couldn’t catch sight of the fella who hit me, all I saw was just the blurring sight of lots and lots of motorcycles, wheezing past, zig-zagging their way through the as many buses and cars. I quickly got back in the car. Checked the car again when I reached office – then only I saw the dent and the signal light – sigh… Tested and sadder still to acknowledge I can’t even open the ‘mini door’ to pump petrol.

The above was what happened to me this morning on the way to work; after the car in front stopped abruptly to avoid a bus cutting out into the middle lane where I was on. I managed to stop with ease because I was about 2 cars’ distance from the other car. But the bike! He was just going too fast, …

No, I did not manage to take down his number and I do not yet know what is the financial damage. All I know is … I want to give thanks to God for keeping me safe – that it is a bike; and not a bigger vehicle which hit mine. Thank God that I am alright and that I am still rather composed post-event. Thank God that he is alright too – that he chose to hit me, instead of colliding with the bus. A lesson of forgiveness in it for me, perhaps and a lesson of faith that the Lord will provide… Could also be a lesson to show me how attached I could be to my car.

心情。。。

2010-07-07T22:45:00.000+08:00

是曾經，還是將會；是過去，還是未來；是理想，還是妄想；是計劃，還是逃避。。。

迷茫-ing...

Pudu Jail?

2010-06-29T22:30:00.005+08:00

...what Pudu Jail? It's history now.

From Wikipedia.

First built in 1891 along Jalan Hang Tuah, the prison was built in stages by the British colonial government, and was completed in 1895. The construction began with its 394-metre prison wall at a cost of RM$16,000, and had been adorned with the world's longest mural at one point in its history. Circa 1911, Richard Alfred Ernest Clark, a former soldier of the third battalion of the Middlesex Regiment, was one of the European warders in the history of Pudu.

Sadly, the mural wall of the 115-year-old Pudu Jail was demolished on 21 June 2010 amid protesting honks of cars along Jalan Pudu. Demolition of the 394-metre Pudu Jail wall fronting Jalan Pudu started at 10.10pm as hundreds of onlookers shouted their dismay while snapping last photographs of the historic wall.

Sad... but what has it gotta to do with me?

Pudu is essentially my hometown - born and grew up here, went to school here (except in college years), even worked (& working) around here. I still remember those days when I was young (in the 80s) - I could see the inmates painting the mural. I can still recall seeing them finger-painted the leaves on the trees.

The mural featuring peaceful scenes of nature was painted by prisoner Khong Yen Chong and other inmates as community service in the early 1980s. It entered the Guinness Book of Records as the longest mural in the world at 394 metres completed in one year using 2,000 litres of paint. (Source: Malaysian Insider)

I don't really understand why the government went ahead with the demolition despite the objection and protests from so many sectors. They destroyed a part of history just like that. I am sure if they had worked at it harder and put in more effort - they could have came up with some better ways to preserve this part of history, rather than wipe it all off save for the main entrance. I think besides the prison's building, the mural wall was truly significant - it had been the landmark of Pudu for almost 30 over years.

I hate it...

2010-06-23T22:07:00.004+08:00

when promises are not kept.

Are all bosses the same? Selfish? And not keeping their words?

What was promised me were not fulfilled, but somehow they will find excuses/reasons to justify for their (non) action. Disappointing and demotivating. Should I voice out? Or should I just bite my lips, clench my teeth and keep silent... while waiting for the right time to go?

Some people choose to 'fight back' whilst I choose the other way - I just feel that if I have to open my mouth to fight for it, it just loses the meaning. Maybe I am just too egoistic... or I am just trying to hang on to the last inch of my integrity or self-pride or whatever-you-call-it ... or I am just silly to just let people manipulate me...or maybe I just have no guts.

Sad.

2010-05-11T21:52:00.002+08:00

Sad coz... I didn't get to drink one of my fave soup - lotus root with peanuts. More sad coz... I indirectly made my mum felt guilty.

After work today, I had to fetch mum to her doctor's place in Taman Desa. As I didn't have time to have dinner, she packed dinner for me from home. Almost reaching the destination, I commented that the food smells great; I was really hungry at that time. Then only she realised she had spilled the soup; no wonder it smells so good.

She kept saying that because she's old, therefore she's useless, can't even do a simple task right, etc. She felt so guilty that it made me feel even worse. I did not voice out my disapppointment (my fave soup!), just tried to cheer her up.

I know lately many things had been causing her anxiety, my siblings' health, my nephew's health...even though, she had not been feeling well herself. 养儿一百，长优九十九。

...

How do I...

2010-05-04T22:36:00.002+08:00

...know that I have really loved someone sincerely & deeply?

A year ago, when I was asked whether I would take him back, I'd surely & without doubt said "No." Today, I still hold the same answer... difference is I hesistated for a second or two. I know I have truly loved him...despite all.

But that was the past.

I had moved on. In the search of someone who could make me love with all my heart & soul again, and loves me the same.

You'll never live until you have loved with all your heart and soul.

三个人的不对等。。。

2010-04-29T22:01:00.001+08:00

可悲的我是那第三个人。

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦承只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

三個人從不對等
總有個人必須犧牲
那永恆就等他帶你完成

心情

2010-04-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

驾车回家的途中，脑袋不停的转，想了很多想写下的点滴。。。现在，脑袋却空白，那些思考的思绪一定是掉在路上了。

最近真的好down。我终于决定暂别他。。。什么都不想再做，不会再理会他的近况，不想再付出关心。暂别，我不懂会耐几久。也许真的是暂别。也许会切切底底地，知难而退。

为何要让自己再次伤心，为何要给人家机会去伤害我？我累了。我真的不懂一颗破碎的心可以再承受几多次伤害。我真的不懂。

以后的路会是一条大道或是是条死路，我也不想再想了。现在的我，只想擦干眼泪，让心情平复。以后的事以后再说。

百感交集

2010-04-26T21:51:00.002+08:00

落花有意随流水
流水无意恋落花
多少好花落空尽
不曾遇着赏花人

虽然还没有正式向你求证，我却打定了输数。最近，就是由我们彼此从国外回来，我就觉得彼此好像有了一股莫名其妙的距离。在还没出国前，我倒觉得距离拉得那么近，也开始相信我们是有未来的。隔了短短的两星期，一切都变了。感觉上你突然很想避开我，对我的态度也凉多了。到底发生了什么事？我也不敢问。可能一直以来都是我一厢情愿。也不明白为何会那么伤感，连眼泪都不空而泻下。

谁能给我那么一点点的勇气去面对你？你又是否可以给我一个小小的平台去说我想说的话吗？我真的不想在猜想了。迟早都该有要有个了解，有个了结。我不会强人所难。感情不可以勉强。

心情

2010-03-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

当一个人心灰意冷，对人性有了真实残忍的了解之后，要去爱另一个人，就需要以用尽力气与生命的勇气，因为不再蒙懂，也不再单纯。

A Strong Woman Versus a Woman of Strength

2010-02-26T21:01:00.002+08:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ... but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ... but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future... a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly... but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face... but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey... but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
- Marta S. Hardy

Continuing 2009 Revisited - July to Dec

2010-01-11T21:09:00.005+08:00

June

Before moving on to July - just realised that I have missed quite a bit of happenings in June.

Church Camp in Malacca was one. Still craving for the cendol and fish ball salad now and again.

The other was the 1-day VBS we organised for the great kids from Jenjarom.

July

Half a year gone. I thought hopes were high, but it's only my thought. Nothing has worked out as yet.

Memorable in July was also the Northern excursion. Looking forward to more road trips ahead.

August

Was really thinking hard whether to resign from my job at PPBOP. Same old shit vs crazy old shit. Then decided to stay ... at least until the performance appraisal 2 months later.

September

Suffering a self esteem loss on the photography front. Felt that my photos suck. Sigh.

October

A busy month. A crazy month, actually. Mum was admitted to GH for 2 weeks.

The month I turned 33. Nothing much had changed - save for the age. A lonely birthday, but I am thankful to the friends who had shown that they cared. Still it was a meaningful day.

Decided to join AmBank and resigned from my job at PPBOP - an exceptionally difficult decision to make. Sad to be leaving all the friends and comforts - but happy to have a chance to make a change.

November

Took mum for a short holiday to Singapore.

Started a new era in AmBank.

Busy with practices for the Clickmas musical.

December

Super busy month on the job, with the VBS and Clickmas.

Ended the year with a quiet night with close friends and good sharing.

Overall, it was a good year, better than 2008. Even though there are certain puzzles that have yet to be solved, dreams that have yet to come true, wishes that have yet to be fulfilled - still, I know my life had been more meanigful. I have come to appreciate people around me even more. And I feel so blessed that these people truly care.

Welcome, 2010!

2009 Revisited - Jan to June

2010-01-08T23:28:00.006+08:00

Not too late to reflect on the past year...I am going to do it month by month, trying to recall the best I could.

January

Ooops... I am stuck already. *thinking hard, fingers drumming on the table*

I think it was a month of uncertainties - the start of a new year brings in new hope - but yet, my heart was like a raging sea. The doubts that I had back then were resolved by Sept though when the LDR ended officially.

February

Significant events - CNY and Valentine's - Enjoyed spending quality time with family and friends in the first, but had a lonesome in the second. Will this year be different?

March

Amidst the raging sea, had fun during the Putrajaya 1st International Hot Air Balloon Fest, where I got to ride on a hot air balloon! A first in my life :)

My best friend gave birth to her princess.

April

Finally laid my hands on my 'dream' :) It's an entry level DSLR, but I am contented.

Completed a banner project with the children from church. A first for all of us.

May

Embarassingly memorable was the climb up Broga.

Was also inspired to do a special presentation for Mothers' Day, which many had commented it pulled at their hearts' strings. I hope it did not stop there.

June

I am getting slightly distracted by someone, but I have yet to solve the conundrum to-date. There are moments when I think there is so much going on between us... and yet there are times when I feel that I am nothing more than just a friend to him.

Two Zero One Zero

2010-01-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

打開心門

2009-12-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

心關在門里就變成"悶"。。。所以處事待人要拿個heart出來。

好多時候，我拿個心對人，卻往往得到嘅係背板，別人唔領情，等等。付出真心，換來嘅卻係傷心，付出的一片真誠，得回係一桶眼淚。點解？

Christmas greetings!

2009-12-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

The chapter of PPBOP closes...

2009-12-11T21:58:00.003+08:00

...finally today with a last session of farewell lunch.

A lunch that was postponed for 3+ weeks. Still, the thought counts, and a lot at that.

However that marks the last line of the PPBOP's chapter in my life. As a chapter ends, another has begun. I was actually thinking to myself, "Why did I gave up the comforts of PPBOP?" Work is crazy these days, I have not seen the daylight ever since I am in this new work place, save for the first day. Hopefully I catch up real fast.

忙，茫，盲，亡

2009-12-06T16:16:00.002+08:00

前天，一位好友的家婆因病去世了。

在參與wake service時，聽到一番很深入我心的話。

大概就是這樣 -

忙

生活在現代社會的我們，很多時候以為自己身不由己的在屏 - 屏命著為生活而努力，卻往往失去了生命的意義。從白天忙到晚，為了只是生活。甚至有些人卻為了生活，卻掉了自己的生命。

茫

在忙碌當中，難免會到了一個茫然的狀況。前面的路開始變得昏暗，人生茫茫。

盲

慢慢的哪茫茫變成“盲”。我們開始連自己都迷失了，連自己都看不到了。

亡

最后，死亡找上門了。

其實，死亡并不嚇人。嚇人的是在遇見死亡前，我們卻喪失了生命。

實在想太多

2009-11-27T20:44:00.002+08:00

不過我又可以如何？

你的一言一語，讓我朝思夜想，但是你卻不懂。理論上，我都唔係非與你一起不可，所以我都有d唔理解你對我嘅影響力。真奇怪，點解你有那么強的吸引力？點解潛意識咁希望我哋會跨出一大步？口頭上的“順其自然”，都需要d實際行動，唔係嗎？

我念，真係我自己想太多。。。

Day 1

2009-11-23T20:15:00.005+08:00

Today marks the first day I start at the new workplace.

I woke up nervous, in fact I was nervous since a couple of days ago. Thankfully I managed to get quite a good night sleep. Woke up earlier than I usually do on a workday because 1) I don't want to be late, especially not on the first day at the job 2) I have to walk for at least 10 minutes from the parking place to the new office 3) The working hour starts earlier.

Well, it's an odd feeling driving to work. I am basically driving the same route I have taken over the past few years. The journey's the same, but the destination has changed. I tried my best not to mesmerize the good old times too much. Of course, I won't forget the memories, but at the same time, I need to move on and look forward.

I like my new place. I have a nice cubicle with a nice view of the KL Tower. And you know what's peculiar? I was seated in between two of my former bosses. Funny.

The Bank has gone through so much changes and restructuring over the 7 1/2 years I had been gone. So, on my first day there, I spent the whole day 'studying'. So very the hardworking!!! :) But it's kinda boring sitting there alone, no more colleagues for me to kacau within 'talking' distance... now I had to get up and walked quite a distance to find someone to kacau. Problem is I have yet to find my 'victims', hehe.

My Ambition

2009-11-17T19:42:00.004+08:00

Remember those days in school when the homework of the day is to write an essay on your ambition? Remember what you wrote?

As for me, I never failed to write down my ambition to be a teacher. Yes, I can hear your groan and snicker. Or was that my own? Anyhow, that was what my mum asked me to write. I never wanted to be a teacher. Nope, the 5 day weeks and months of holidays in a year were tempting but no.

Deep inside, top on my list - I wanted to be a newscaster. Those days, I admire people like Mahadzir Lokman, Patrick Teoh and Wan Zaleha Radzi. Amazing that I could still remember their names after 20 odd years, when I have forgotten countless names, even of those I have just met in college. That goes to show how deeply etched were their influence in me. I guess I was just mesmerized by how well they could speak with just few glances at the paper. Amazing! Hey, I was in primary school - I didn't know then that there was a TV with rolling script right next to the camera, ok???

I was even thinking that it doesn't matter if I don't read the news on TV, I wouldn't have mind doing it on radio. I guess I simply love reading and had always loved to read aloud. Even to this day.

Next up, I wanted to be a lawyer. It seems so much like a glamorous job (& pays well). Of course, fate has it that my parents could not afford to send me to law school. No, that was just an excuse. fact is I am just not smart enough nor have that much hard disk space to contain those thicker than the Bible endless volumes of books. I guess I was lucky not ending up to be a lawyer, I don't think I would have survived in that tough arena.

So, I end up where I am now. Still searching at times on what I want to do, what I like to do, what I can do and what I end up doing. However, ambition is an important fuel to life, it gives us hope, it gives us something to dream about, it gives us something to look forward to... (and it gives us something to blog about when we have one week break from work!)

Stop dreaming, and you'll stop living.

Fare Thee Well

2009-11-17T17:02:00.004+08:00

Dedicated to my fellow colleagues in PPBOP

15 May 2002 - The first day I stepped into PPBOP as an employee.
13 November 2009 - The last day I stepped out from PPBOP as an employee.

These 7 1/2 years had been truly memorable and meaningful... and probably miserable, at times too. In the initial years, I was quite sure that I'd be in this place for a long, long time; and it had never crossed my mind that 'long, long time' registered the full stop mark at 7 1/2 years.

The decision to leave had never been easy. I had deliberated for 6 months. Even after officially submitting my resignation and turning down the so-called counter offer, I still felt so overwhelmed with sadness. I was sad to leave, but happy to go. Still for most of the time, the sadness overshadowed the excitement undeniably.

Well, parting and leaving a job is all part of growing up, no? Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. The moment has come when I think it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come.

To my friends who had grown with me these years, I will surely remember you. People will always forget what we said, even what we did... but they will never forget how you make them feel. The last couple of weeks, you had made me feel extra special and blessed.

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

Now that goodbye and farewell are inevitable, I just trust with all my heart, that we part so that we may meet again.

Keep in touch.

幸福跟隨我

2009-11-16T19:49:00.002+08:00

草原上有對獅子母子，小獅子問母獅子：「媽，幸福在哪裡？」
母獅子說：「幸福就在你的尾巴上ㄚ…」
於是，小獅子不斷追著尾巴跑…但始終咬不到。
母獅子笑道：「傻瓜！幸福不是這樣得到的。
只要你昂首向前走，幸福就會一直跟隨著你！」

謎底

2009-10-31T22:27:00.005+08:00

無人行前一步。。。呢個迷永遠唔會被扯開

從來亦無自信　人云亦云　庸庸碌碌半生　
連自己的戀愛運　也欠一點決心
為何望來望去　仍無下文　明明彼此有同感　
難道等一天變做熟人　發現原來相襯
可否冷靜看一陣
都有幾個人靠近
現在還未說纏綿情節會
逐漸降溫
遲來一秒鐘　遲疑一秒鐘　　
從迎接你變做目送
　
遲來一秒鐘　沿途經過和結局
其實太不同
　
遲遲未預備　第一句愛你　　
已經足夠醞釀暗湧
盼望猶豫未決的情人回信　　
猶如行刑懸在半空
拖一拖　等一等
怕得到得來
已是無用
拖一拖　等一等
這刻的感動變做裂縫
良辰就如白費明明動情　
怎會不敢作聲
提示很不足　但你的態度
永遠不得要領
相戀要是有天命
都要等你來確認
明明在附近　又不告訴你
太多戀愛這樣告終
怕在離場後接到遲來情信
其時和旁人在抱擁
拖一拖　等一等　　
怕這點激情最後和緩
拖一拖　等一等
終於知表白刻不容緩

我太多話想說。。。

2009-10-28T22:50:00.004+08:00

但是我是否應該啞口道別？有些事情可能不是非得到答案不可，至是覺得不甘心，耿耿于懷。有時候覺得你好比那燃燒的太陽，不懂月亮的盈缺。

是你太殘忍了還是我太執著了？

I did it...finally

2009-10-21T23:28:00.003+08:00

Just tendered my resignation earlier this afternoon. After very much contemplation & deliberation (it took me months to be this determined to leave) - I feel that the time is ripe for me to bid farewell to this place, after 7 1/2 years. With a heavy heart...

It feels real sad to leave, but I guess I am happy to go. As for the friendships that I have built over the years, the wonderful people I have been honoured to be affiliated with - I hope we will meet again someday.

Looking forward & moving on ...

to unknown shores...it's entirely a new area for me. So I may have to work extra hard - imagine a primary school kid going for a degree course, that's how I am perceiving this new challenge presented to me. Well, if I was not to waste good opportunities, I might as well take it up while I still think I have the stamina & competitive advantage to do so. I mean, how bad can it be, right?

Plus I may actually position myself nearer to that small sub-set space in the middle...

有些事，一轉身就一輩子

2009-10-18T19:15:00.002+08:00

昨天，有位朋友與我分享了以下的video，超感動。。。眼淚也不受控制的掉了下來。有時候，真的很怕，很怕會失去；卻又拿不出勇氣去爭取。

有些人，一直無機會見
等有機會見了，卻又猶疑了
相見不如不見

有些事，一直沒機會做
等有機會了；卻不想再做了

有些話，埋藏在心中好久沒機會說
等有機會說的時候‘卻說不出口了

有些愛，一直沒機會愛
等有機會了，已經不愛了

有些人很多機會相見的
卻總找借口推脫
想見的時候，已經沒機會了

有些話有很多機會說的
卻想著以后再說
要說的時候，已經沒機會了

有些事很多機會做的
卻一天一天推遲
想做的時候卻發現沒機會了

有些愛給了你很多機會
卻不在意沒在乎
想重視的時候，已經沒機會愛了

人生有時候，總是很諷刺
一轉身可能就一世
說好永遠的
不知怎么就散了
最后自己想來想去
竟然也搞不清
當初是什么原因分開彼此的
然后，你突然醒悟
感情原來是這么脆弱的
經得起風雨，卻經不起平凡
風雨同船，天晴便各自散了
也許這是賭氣
也許這是因為小小的事

幻想著和好的甜蜜
或重逢時的擁抱
那個時候會是邊流淚，邊捶打對方
還傻笑著
該是多美的畫面
沒想到的是一別竟是一輩子了

于是，各有各的生活
各自愛著別的人
曾經相愛，現在以互不相干
即使在同一個小小的城市
也不曾再相逢
某一天某一刻，走在同一條街
也看不見對方
先是感嘆，后來是無奈
也許你很幸福，因為找到另一個適合自己的人
也許你不幸福，因為可能你這一生就只有那個真正用心在你身上
很久很久沒有對方的消息
也不再想起這個人
也是不想再想起這些

學會珍惜身邊的每一個人
或許哪都會成為記憶的美好

Officially 33

2009-10-14T23:57:00.003+08:00

who today officially turns

This birthday, I feel especially happy and proud because I did something truly meaningful - I have just pledged to be a proud donor to UNICEF. It's always more blessed to give than to receive. So on a day where gifts and well wishes are the norm, I decided to sign up as a donor & be on the giving end, instead. Join me (if you haven't already done the same), will you? Here's to greater days ahead for all - cheers.

Birthday wish granted

2009-10-13T21:35:00.002+08:00

Mum had finally been discharged from the hospital this evening after 13 days :) Just need to do follow up with the gastro specialist and surgical clinic.

Final diagnosis:
1) Cholecystitis & acute pancreatitis (but defintely not cute) - which basically means gallstones blocking the cystic duct causing inflammation to the pancreas and gall bladder.

2) Septicemia (sepsis) - inflammation in the blood, causing her to have high fever for days.

All in all, I am just relieved that she's alright now. Thanks to all who prayed and supported us.

Appendicitis, gastritis, pancreatitis, what's next?

2009-10-03T22:51:00.003+08:00

Mum was admitted to GH late Wednesday nite, when she complained of severe gastric pain. Now it's end of Day 4 and no diagnosis yet, pending further tests. From suspected appendicitis to gastritis and finally this morning, pancreatitis... I hope tomorrow the new term I will hear is "Your mum is fit to go home."

If you pray, remember her in your prayers. Thanks.

Photography, art and ...

2009-09-24T22:35:00.005+08:00

Photography is an art. Just like an artpiece, each photo reflects the photographer's view of the subject, the photographer's state of mind, the photographer's point of view, the photographer's emotions at the time when the shot was framed and the shutter button pressed.

Recently I was taking some photos at a friend's wedding. Yeah, that was the task that I blogged about in the last two entries.

So, what inspires this third entry? I was having a casual chat with one of my friends. He commented that somehow the photos I took evoked a feeling of sadness. He was actually the first person who thinks that way. Other friends who have seen the same set of photos have commented otherwise. Hmmm, how interesting.

It makes me think and hence, the conclusion I get is per the first para. But it doesn't stop there. To every person who sees the photo, they will in turn form their own interpretation of what they see, think and feel or their perception of what story the photographer is trying to tell.

C+ for self

2009-09-23T21:01:00.008+08:00

Yes, that's the grade that I am giving myself. It was a hectic Sunday - left home by 9.30amat 10am and by the time I reached home it was already 11pm. Overall I had fun, a very good learning experience.

At certain points, I felt intimidated by my lack of skills, experience and gear, hence the previous entry. My confidence had already been shoved down the drains due to somebody's comments earlier in the week. Yet time and again I remind myself - "Photography is more than just your skills, your gear or even your creativity. It's about your heart." Every click of the camera, every push of the shutter button - let it come from your heart. Maybe some would feel that I am just making excuses but excuse me, can you deny that each photo tells a story, each picture a thousand tales?

So, over the weekend, I felt I have learned so much more than I anticipated. It's not about acquiring new skills - it's about discovering what I am good at and what I suck at. And with that knowledge, looking forward to continuosly improve myself. One step at a time, at my own pace.

to relax and do it well

2009-09-20T08:39:00.006+08:00

just a friendly reminder to self - relax and do it well. no point stressing yourself out and end up all kelam kabut. u know yourself well enough, to know that when you are all nerves and panic, you lose focus and you will blank out. so, just go out there - relax, have fun and do it well.

156/88 160/89 180/80

2009-09-11T22:33:00.003+08:00

That's my mum's BP for yesterday, this morning and a while ago!

Those numbers are sending my pressure upwards too.

Mum called me around 6pm, complaining of her high BP. She wanted me to take her to the doc. At first I didn't know that it was that high. When I saw those numbers, I nearly fainted. Yes, she had occasional high BP moments, but not as high as this consecutively.

I am worried, though - I just hope and pray she will be alright.

煙花多么燦爛，始終燒不到世界的盡頭

2009-09-07T21:26:00.004+08:00

李克勤首“愛不釋手” - 有段歌詞係咁嘅 - 預了拖得你手便要分得了手。

一開始都預了到我哋并不會長久。所以，都唔算太傷嘅。分手，反而係一種解脫。至少依家我知道真係唔work，唔再係一場guessing game。

我終于可以安心地，無愧疚地，咁去尋找別的選擇。

祝彼此：幸福快樂。

Lost my mind

2009-09-05T21:44:00.003+08:00

Needed to shop around for dresses, the months of wedding dinners are here. So there I was, happily flipping through racks of clothes at those boutiques along the streets of Telawi.

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately - no dress caught my fancy. So I decided to continue my hunt elsewhere.

Whilst I was waiting in line to pay my parking, I was rummaging my bag for my wallet. Coin purse, notebook, hand lotion, a story book, ... hmmm, where is my wallet? I stopped myself before I panic and start to pour all my bag contents on the floor, in the middle of Bangsar Village.

I reminded myself to keep cool, and started to walk to my car to try find some loose change and notes.

All the way I was thinking to myself, how careless and mindless I was. I was without any form of identification on me, no legal proof that I can drive on the road, no money save for a couple of Ringgits in my coin purse plus those loose change I keep in the car. I wasn't worried that I dropped my wallet, I was quite sure I had left it at home.

Good thing was I had more than enough to pay for parking. I dare not go elsewhere, except home... I mean, where else could I go with no IC, license and money?

I have been known as a blur person, even careless at times. I have had experiences of forgetting stuffs, but I guess this was the furthest I have gone away from home without my wallet. Hope it won't happen again.

After Thoughts

1) The moment I realised I forgot my wallet, I was virtually 'scrolling' through my list of friends - thinking of who is the best person to call for help. Which of my friend will, despite whatever they are doing at the moment, come & rescue me? Would you?

2) As to why it happened, I guess my mind was abducted by some strange creature named 'man'. Not only these creatures capable of stealing your hearts, they can do likewise with your minds. My dear female friends, be wary; and don't say I didn't warn you.

愛與不愛

2009-09-04T21:12:00.005+08:00

好遺憾。

因為發覺自己原來唔可以真真正正咁放下以前所有的一切，唔可以忘記你留下的疤痕。

問問自己點解對你還係咁反感？係咪真係連朋友都做唔成？所以你試著要透過Friendster, Facebook之余此類與我聯系，我都唔肯與你扯上任何關系。好遺憾。。。我發覺我還會怪你；我嘅心仲係會痛。好痛。

愛的反面并唔係恨。。。而係唔愛。我係好清楚知道及了解我唔再愛你，但係我亦唔想再恨你。

到底一個破碎嘅心要幾耐先可以康復？

Oops...

2009-08-31T20:08:00.002+08:00

Made a blunder, am all nerves about it. How-lah?!

a ray of hope?

2009-08-28T23:39:00.001+08:00

or just another wrong assumption?

of opportunities, choices n decisions

2009-08-26T21:09:00.003+08:00

People say good opportunities do not come often, strike while the iron is still hot.

Being a risk averse person, I am very kiasi. No guts to just go and strike the iron. Some people think it's envious that I have choices - but it's more like because I do not have a choice, that I have to look for options.

To go ahead or not no longer seems like an option - it's gonna be the only way, sooner or later. Too broken hearted and heart sick with the empty promises and injustice, I just feel that I have to let go to prevent further injury to my soul. Question is only when is the right time to do so. And whether the next journey that I take on will take me through the scenery I wish to see.

Things fall apart so that other things can fall together, right?

I Don’t Want to Rest in Pieces like Final Destination

2009-08-15T20:25:00.004+08:00

I am horrified...

coz I just couldn't imagine life without my dearest friends.

But I guess I'd be even more horrified if I don't get my hands on those free passes for the Premiere Screening to watch Final Destination - Rest in Pieces, courtesy of Warner Brothers Pictures and Fox Malaysia.

As for my friends, when I get those tix, you are definitely coming with me and have a holla-ri-ific time together!

now

2009-08-07T10:57:00.002+08:00

vision now - blur

location now - crossroads

state of mind now - as illustrated

因為，愛如果，愛所以，愛依然，愛

2009-08-02T21:41:00.003+08:00

不是為了什麼回報　所以關懷

不是為了什麼明天　所以期待

那些想太多的人　有生之年都不會理解

因為愛　所以愛　

I thought ...

2009-07-20T21:59:00.003+08:00

... or so I thought.

Seems like I have thought wrong.

不要難過，我還有很大很大的天空！

Oh, well - I have gone through and survived more challenging times - this shouldn't knock me out. 加油！

我知道一廂情願想是我太認真, 偏偏我相信自己相信緣份。

Correlation between filial piety and tiredness

2009-07-19T21:36:00.001+08:00

I have once said "she may have more than 1 child, but i only have 1 mother."

Filial piety ... I must confess I am not good at it at all. Sometimes, I wonder why I am always the who needs to take leave and accompany my mum for her medical appointments, etc? Why not my brother? Why not my sister? (My sis did occassionally took turns with me, when it's really hard for me to take off) Why not my brother in law, or sister in law? She is half their mother, too - right?

Sigh... I am tired of being a good and doting daughter at times. Like now.
At times like now when life is throwing me more lemons that I can't make lemonade fast enough - I start to feel that it's an extra burden added upon my shoulder. How can I think that way??? I am sorry, mum... I don't love you any less. It's just hard sometimes to let you know that "it's me, it's not you". Sorry if I have not talked to you in a very nice tone. Sorry I get impatient so easily.

I really do love you...no matter what. I have only got one 'you' - You may not really be the best mother in the world, neither am I the best daughter - but together we strive to be the best we could be for the other.

And ok, I will make you a glass of lemonade next time you drop by my place! :)

Confused

2009-07-17T23:31:00.004+08:00

真係開始有d混亂。。。到底你想點，念緊點乜？

我唔想再念。就直接俾個答案我啦。

緣份

2009-06-17T20:55:00.005+08:00

有緣千里能相聚，無緣對面不相逄。

緣份呢家野確實有d神奇。

點解在某某時間地點，認識某些人。。。又卻有些時候，某些人已經出現左，但你地卻無真正地遇上？

呢d味叫緣份咯！

有人話 - 前生五百次的回望，換來今生的擦身而過。。。係真唔係架? 都無關重要啦，最緊要係珍惜現在，你話我話嘅。

咁，點解我突然好似好有感觸？。。。唔話你知，時機未成熟。

He lives in me... always

2009-06-15T20:33:00.002+08:00

'Lost' my father in August 2001.

As Father's Day approach, I can't help but miss him. However, I am always comforted with the thought that he's looking down at me from heaven above. And all I want now is to see him smile.

He had suffered much the one year from when he was first diagnosed with colon cancer... and subsequently pneumonia and other heart problems. Heavy smoker, he was! But it did not change the fact that he had endured so much and worked so hard. Every drop of his sweat symbolised his love for us, every wrinkle on his face showed his care for us.

As much as I miss him, I know he's in a better place. So now, I wanna see a smile carved on his face forevermore, by living a good life, being a good daughter to his wife, a good sister to his children, a good aunt to his grandchildren... and being the best that I could be.

So, really, I have not lost him... for I believe he still lives in me. Always.

Source: The Lion King

Ingonyama nengw' enamabala [Here is a lion and a tiger]
Night
And the spirit of life
Calling
Oh, oh, iyo
Mamela [Listen]
Oh, oh, iyo
Ubukhosi bo khokho [Throne of the ancestors]
We ndodana ye sizwe sonke [Oh, son of the nation]
Wait
There's no mountain too great
Oh, oh, iyo
Hear the words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo
Have faith
Hela hey mamela [Hey, listen]
He lives in you
He lives in me
He watches over
Everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala [Here is a lion and a tiger]

This disease called the swine flu

2009-05-19T20:51:00.003+08:00

It's odd how 90 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. 30-40 million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom...

From The Putnam Pig

Mother's Day special

2009-05-10T16:00:00.005+08:00

Just wanna share the slides that I did for my church Mother's Day celebration...

Up Broga Hill... almost.

2009-05-03T16:25:00.008+08:00

Excitedly I looked forward to the trip up Broga Hill, making sure I get enough sleep the day before, packed my insect repellant, an extra shirt, cap, towel, torchlight, water and of course, my camera.

My friends reached my place right on time, at 5.45am. We went to pick up another friend at Saujana Impian, before making our way to Broga. It was quite a dark and bumpy ride, and listening to my friend's stories of the haunted kind makes the journey more 'scenic'.

We reached the place around 6.30am. Being all first-timers to the place, we just followed the group in front.

Not once, not twice... I think we made at least three u-turns! And by the time, we found the right path to go to the vantage point (the one we always see in photos) - I was almost dead.

Ha! Guess what? My dear old friend, Mr Migraine decided it's time to keep me company. With my pounding head, I slowed down my pace. Told my friends to go on ahead and I'd follow through. I did not intend to keep them back, and definitely did not want them to miss the sunrise view Broga Hill is famous for.

As I slowly inched my way up, I started to feel dizzy. It's not a good feeling, believe me. I know I don't exercise regularly enough, but the trail wasn't that challenging, just a bit steep and narrow in certain parts.

Having conquered Mount Jasar (1,670m), Mount Beremban (1,812m) and Mentigi Hill (1,535m)before - Broga Hill should not be that tough. I don't know why I was finding it hard to even stand steadily at that moment. In my head, thoughts of fainting and rolling down the ravine made their apperances - but in my heart, I knew myself better than to just give up like that.

Probably a snail was faster than me at that point of time - but again, I took more steps forward. I started to gag! Can you imagine that? Usually, I will start to vomit when I get a really terrible fight with Mr Migraine.

So, at that point of time - I felt that I had no choice but to give up. I just felt disappointed and heart-broken.

My friends called me from the hilltop (oh, Maxis' lines work at that place!) and I just assured them I am alright. I tried to hide my disappointment with jokes.

I slowly started my solo trek down. Along the way, I took some photos... still feeling sad I missed the view on top.

It was such an easy trek, I could manage it without any struggle as I strolled downhill. I couldn't help but think that I shouldn't have given up. I almost turned back, to try to scale up again; but I did not.

This morning, as I was driving to church - I was still kinda down about the whole incident yesterday. I was still angry with myself for giving up, chastening myself and making my own life difficult.

Then it occurred to me - There are things in life that we could always get a second chance for. I could go up Broga Hill again next week, or next month perhaps. Meanwhile, there are other things that I could only have one chance to execute. These are the things that matter. One life, one chance.

After that moment of 'enlightenment' - I felt lighter, no more heavy heart. I began to mesmerize the food expedition post-Broga: we went to Seremban for nasi lemak with minced pork and special fishball noodle with lard; and to Senawang for curry laksa and iced coffee. If I had not been unwell - we would have gone on south to Malacca for cendol, satay celup, chicken rice...

...and in between, we even dropped by Tesco Semenyih and a church!

Labouring on Labours' Day

2009-05-01T16:43:00.006+08:00

Woke up early today. After filling up my tummy and getting my laundry done - I headed to:

Yes, the Nike warehouse sale.

I was there early. It was supposed to start at 10am... but I got a special invite. The special invite supposedly allows me to go in half an hour earlier, at 9.30am. I reached there on the dot... but realised that with or without the invite, people are being let in.

Still, it was not too crowded... but it was extremely, makes-me-cursing-under-my-breath HOT!!! After about 15 minutes or so, I decided to pay for my stuffs coz I was sweating profusely, and I wasn't wearing a Nike Dri-fit! As I was queueing up, I looked back at the 'shopping' area - the crowd had started to trickle in. And by the time I left, the place was packed.

My purchases:

A pair of low rise pants

A pair Nike Zoom Victory+

Yup, that's all - just 2 items. Had to control myself not to over-spend, though I was tempted to. Need to be thrifty, I have been spending way too much lately.

And that was how I laboured on this Labours' Day :)

也許我才是你生命中的過客

2009-04-30T21:45:00.003+08:00

你和我面对面卻有一颗心的距离

也许我只是你短暂寂寞的依靠

因为你的心总在别人身上停靠

該來的遲早會來

該走的遲早會走

要走的，苦苦哀求也不會停步

要留的，大罵大鬧也不會爬走

也許我才是你生命中的過客。。。

thisclose to throw in the towel

2009-04-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

today at work - i was thisclose to throw in the towel. i felt so frustrated and so intimidated... that i almost can't control my tears. in fact one of my colleagues actually saw me blinking my tears away.

i may not be the smartest employee, or the most hardworking, or the most capable. but today my boss really made me feel so so so stupid.

I dreamed a dream

2009-04-19T22:21:00.004+08:00

Middle-aged, dowdy, with thick eyebrows and an unfortunate gait, she couldn’t have looked less like a star. She may be the surprise winner of Britain’s Got Talent after she stunned Simon Cowell with her remarkable voice.

Unemployed and single, the 47-year-old has thick, unkempt hair and bushy eyebrows, and downy fuzz is noticeable across parts of her face.

Who is this we are talking about? If you don't already know by now - she's SUSAN BOYLE.

Miss Boyle told presenters Ant and Dec that she lived alone with just her cat Pebbles for company. She said: ‘I’ve never been married. I’ve never even been kissed.’She then stomped across the stage and began clumsily gyrating her hips towards the judges, prompting laughter from the audience.

A smirking Cowell asked her who she would like to emulate, to which she replied, ‘Elaine Paige.’‘I would love to be in musical theatre. I have just never had the opportunity,’ she added.

Moments later, the music mogul and fellow judges Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan were left speechless by her powerful rendition of ‘I Dreamed A Dream’ from Les Miserables. The audience gave her a deserving standing ovation and cheered as she finished the song.

Such a corresponding song chosen and sung:

"I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed"

Susan mentioned about her dream, and people just smirked and sneered. Her dream had not been realised prior to her Britain's Got Talent victory - because she wasn't given the opportunity.

People loved her because she's like so many of us (& probably because some of us laughed at her in the first place and feel guilty thereafter!).

So many of us dreamed a dream ... but life had killed our dreams. Trying to survive in this world, trying not to lag behind in the rat race, trying to match up to our neighbours... had all killed the flame of our dream.

I remember having this conversation with my sister few months ago. I asked her, "If you could do anything you like, without any hindrance, you know, like having to take care of your kids, no money, etc - what would your dream be?"

Too often we live to please others, we do and do and do and do, trying so hard to achieve what is success in other people's eyes to gain acceptance. We have forgotten to be ourselves. Fundamentally, like I have mentioned before - we are called human beings, and not human doings.

As for Susan, I do sincerely hope she will realise her dream.

Remembering you... always

2009-04-09T19:55:00.005+08:00

Last week, my MSN Messenger status was set as "老豆，好掛住您！" and my Facebook status was "Cheryl Liew missed my late dad...老豆，好掛住您！"...

It had been years since he left us... and so many times, when I thought of him, tears well up in my eyes.

Was actually casually talking with a friend about 'beer belly' and *snap* I am again reminded of him. I remember how I used to listen to the 'grumbling' sounds his belly makes, when he's at home taking his afternoon nap. My late Dad had a 40-inch beer belly! I can still somehow feel how comfortable it was to just put my ears on his belly and listen to the 'music'.

And when I heard this song, tears start to blind my vision.

成就
超速工作　標準情人　也似確保不到我身份　

試過升高又淪陷來回無限次又捉不緊　

只得你的一句　漸成為明日校訓

即使沒成就　事業未算擁有　

我在你那眼中仍似個寶寶多麼罕有

我感激你告知　我是你的成就　

當哭得太久　樣樣自責不夠

你是個每一天仍替我加油的小宇宙　

生於這個地球或間中會有一點傷口　你一早望透

幾多工作　幾多責任　你也不需身旁人擔心　

是否真的沒遺憾然而誰像你　

義氣過人　只知每位親朋亦鳴謝你留烙印

爸爸的心血　身體中遺留　

祈求延續你成就沿路愉快演奏

即使不算優秀　獎盃我沒有　

我在你那眼中仍似個寶寶多麼罕有

跌倒不用怕羞　似是我小時候

當哭得太久　樣樣自責不夠

你是個每一天重建我身份的小宇宙　

生於這個地球就算一剎找不到出口　你珍惜便夠

Story behind the song

My late Dad was a man with few words... but I can remember every gesture, every word that he has spoken to me.

We may not be all lovey-dovey (if I may use that expression describing a father-daughter relationship) - but I know he loved me a lot, if not the most; amongst my siblings.

We can be so comfortable with each other that we don't need to utter a word for hours, in each other's company.

Yes, he was just a cab driver. No grand achievements. No leaving me a fortune as inheritance. Not even the finances to get me through my tertiary education. But he's the best father I ever had. He gave me the best he could.

He never discouraged me in anything I dabbled on. Of course, I was not involved with any illegal stuffs. He never hit me before (My mum takes the disciplanarian role!). He never even raised his voice at me. He never complained when I needed him to send me to college or pick me up from college after my night classes. He just never stopped loving me.

I am so missing him... but I do believe he is in a better place now. And because of that, I am happy that he is happy.

心亂如麻

2009-04-08T21:12:00.005+08:00

借著衛蘭首歌（林夕填詞），亦都延續上一個有關沉重的愛情嘅blog post。。。

因初吻著你想慶賀　你卻開始疏遠我

假使你是覺得怯懦　你會不會拒絕我

你有意欲去找我　你會通電再會過

如實在認真喜歡我　或是有心敷衍我如今只有三歲都清楚

是你不想我啦嗎　什至不找我啦　

無非幾天變化　就像刮我幾千巴　

難道你共我親吻抱擁之後竟有偏差　

不想和我好　請求直說真話

很想你是愛得懶惰　至會多天不理我

心境正逐秒鐘跌墮　我哪一樣有做錯

過去你極愛惜我　快慰之後侮辱我

曾自問自私開心過　自問自卑擔心過　如今的我只要知清楚

。。。

唔知到底你發生左咩事，有d擔心。。。卻又咩都做唔到。心里又會亂念，念d你叫過我唔好念嘅嘢。對唔住，我辦唔到。。。鬼叫你‘失中’咁多日咩！ online又唔見人，電話又無聽。。。

好掛住，好想翻到果一刻。。。

好想，好想。。。

P/S 后記：其實擔心佢有事超于‘我地’有事。呢份擔心係出自一份真心嘅關心。希望佢一切順利。

Katie Kirkpatrick

2009-03-31T14:24:00.005+08:00

The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21 . Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US . Katie has terminal cancer and spend hours a day receiving medication.

In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss.

An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that katie used throughout the ceremony and reception as well. The other couple in the picture are Nick's parents. Excited to see her son marrying his high school sweetheart.

Katie died five days after her wedding day. Watching a woman so ill and weak getting married and with a smile on her face makes us think..... Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it last. We should stop making our lives complicated.